Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Lunacy

I must have looked like a raving lunatic yesterday.

What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn't.

Quite to my surprise, the library called in the afternoon. "Ma'am, New Moon has arrived and we will hold it for 3 days." I thanked them, hung up and squealed with unnecessary glee. After all, it's just a book. :)

So, I pack all the kids into the van and decide to head on over to the library to pick up the latest in my obsessions that is Twilight.

"Mom, can you check out a Magic Tree House book for me?" says Michael.

"Mom, a horsey book for me?" Lauren adds.

"I want one, too!" Emily says with a little bit of attitude, like I wasn't going to get her anything.

"No, you can't have a horsey book! That's my favorite," pipes up Lauren.

You can see where this is going.

Does this incessant arguing over trivial things ever stop?

I get some very random books quickly and go up to the checkout table. The librarian says, "Can I help you?"

I wanted to say, "Don't you recognize me? I was just here yesterday to request a copy of New Moon?"

What I did say was, "Yes, I believe you have a copy of New Moon behind the counter here for me."

"Oh yes, these books are very popular with the young crowd," she says, very nicely.

I wanted to say, "Uh huh, just scan it, lady. It's for me, okay. Yes, I have these 3 children and yes, I'm probably old enough to parent some of Twilight's readers, but lay off. It's therapeutic after dealing with these 3 all day."

What I did say was, "I know, it's crazy how good these books are! You should read them."


So, after leaving the library, I hadn't had quite enough drama, so I decided to head on over to the grocery store. I figured, with Faye on her way, I may want to stock up on some canned goods and such. Still praying, all the while, that the first day of school will NOT be cancelled due to weather. So far, so good.

I don't know about you, but for some reason when I hit the grocer with all 3 of my children, it's go time. My kids start whining about every. little. thing. This one has to go potty. That one wants to stop at the bakery for the free cookie that has staining sprinkles. One doesn't want to sit in the germ infested cart shaped like a race car that is rather difficult to steer.

So, like a good mom, I address the issues according to urgency. To the potty first. By the time we get back there (why this grocery store has placed the bathroom all the way at the back is beyond my comprehension), my 4 year old has about driven me mad with her whining about the cookie. So, I, no so gently, removed her from the cart that she didn't want to sit in in the first place, and take her kicking and screaming into the bathroom along with the child,who actually had to potty and the other child, who was actually being fairly well behaved at this point. You would have thought I was performing Chinese water torture on this child. I think she just needed a nap. The irrationality level at this point was so high, I don't know what else it could have been.

By the time I left the bathroom, I was ready to nix the trip through the store. I'm sure my hair said it all. Sloppy, tousled mess. It's times like this, I'm praying I don't see anyone from my church because I definitely don't feel altogether chipper or ready to discuss Sunday's sermon. Nevertheless, my son, bless his heart, asks me if he can pass out gospel tracts. I'm serious. He loves to tell people about Jesus. Isn't it just like the Lord to put that silver lining on a very ominous dark thunder cloud?
So, what Christian mother could say no to that? Of course, I let him. As long as he didn't leave the aisle we were on at the time.

A few aisles over, a man stops me, to tell me that he thinks it's great that I am teaching my children to do this. However, he then starts into a dissertation about why what I believe is in error and what the real meaning of the bible is.....Do I need to elaborate? Let's put it this way. I would usually only meet someone like this if I was at home talking to them through my door because they always come over when I'm still in my PJ's sans bra. You get my point? He starts in on me with this discussion and meanwhile I'm grabbing one child by the shirt, ssshhing another child and pursing my lips at another. I finally looked at him and said, "Sir, I'm not trying to be rude, but you can see I have 3 children here. This is really neither the time nor the place to discuss this. I'm very grounded in God's Word and I know what I believe. I need to get back to shopping. Be blessed." Well, wouldn't you know it, he didn't get the hint. He tracks me down again a couple of aisles over! Needless to say, I was firm, but pleasant.

I finally made it out of the store alive with all three children still intact. I threatened to pull the car over and other empty rants. I'm thinking of installing one of those automatic privacy windows, like they have in limousines. It would just be safer for everyone.

14 comments:

Caroline said...

That's funny. You can always count on kids to not act right when you want them to. I love that your son loves to evangelize and carries tracts with him. I wish I was that bold.

Caroline said...

I also meant to tell you that I haven't forgotten you tagged me. Its coming.

Shelley said...

I'm with you on the privacy window. How cool would that be? Or would it?
Would your mother sense keep looking to see if one was pinching the other or would it finally just go away and you could have all the peace and quiet you wanted without any feelings of inadequacy or guilt? Hmmmmmmm......

Susan said...

The dreaded grocery store...I think I could post weekly about the adventures I encounter there.
They must give the people like the man in the grocery store some kind of persistence training as part of their "evangelism" training.
Glad you made it out alive. Love the privacy window idea...too funny!

Heather said...

I can't understand why people try to carry on a conversation with you when you obviously are busy trying to wrangle kids around a frickin' grocery store! Or the YMCA (I get that one a lot). I love how you "talked him down", even though it didn't work. I'll have to remember that!

oº˚ Anissa ˚ºo said...

I couldn't have a privacy window my kids would probably kill each other or throw the 2 year old out the car -- ok just joking about them throwing the two year old but not them killing each other. LOL

Kori said...

Way to go on standing frim on the Bible. Did she ever get the cookie?

Deb said...

Found you at BATW.
Okay, I seriously needed that laugh. My little one kept asking me,"Mom what's so funny?" The most hilarious part of your whole story is that I have lived that several times. The other day while at Michaels, I must have had a major "I am so done" face on that another mom tells me, "I know how you feel, I am starting to count the minutes instead of hours til school starts."

Enjoy New Moon. I had a hard time getting through it, but that's just me.

gideonmommasita said...

All I could think through this was Robin saying, "they grow up so fast, treasure those moments." In fact, that is the LAST thing I am thinking when in the grocery store!

Lula! said...

We've all been there...you just tell it funnier.

Are y'all in Faye's path? We are high and dry here in the mountains...come on up.

Have you started? Mama finished New Moon last night and is waiting for Caroline to nap before digging into Eclipse. She's a convert now, too! FUN!

angie said...

I just got New Moon, too. BUt, I've had it on reserve for at least a month! Gotta love shopping trips like that one. Nothing says "go home" to me like children that need to go potty at the store, and then someone who comes up to me to "enlighten" me. :)

Lynda said...

Ugh, I don't think I could've been as gracious to that man in the store as you. Bless YOU!

Ronnica said...

You should have told the librarian, "Yeah, me and my friends, like, talk about it all the time!"

Marrdy said...

So, you never said if you got started on the book. Keep us updated. I just finished Breaking Dawn....it was lovely!