They Call Me The Poop Checker/Vomit Catcher

Yep. You read that right. That's what I have been doing for the past 24 hours. Checking for poop and catching vomit with my bare hands. Talents like this run deep.

Lauren started out Wednesday with a bang. She came home from school not feeling well. She kept telling me she felt like throwing up, but it was just false alarms. Until.....we were in the car and I neglected to bring a bucket. Glorious uprising! Hellerrrr? (Madea-ese again) Why is it, mom's always try to catch the chunks as they are hurling outward? Do we really think we are accomplishing anything, but getting spewage all over us as well as everything else?

Well, by morning, we thought everything was better. Just a one time deal. Negatory, Junior Pig Pen. Thursday night, same thing. Friday morning I'm awakened by the retching coming from our bathroom. Hubby is hugging the bowl and pretty much indicating I'm in for a very long Friday.

Lauren then gets up and informs me she had an accident in her bed. I'm thinking, "Awww, you wet your bed." No such luck. Think other end. Are you starting to get the title of this post?

A bath, some Clorox Clean-up, and a load of laundry later, hubby starts yelping from the bedroom. I can't quite make out what he is trying to say in between pukes, but he starts clutching his stomach and writhing in pain.

Google Search: Symptoms of Appendicitis

Vomiting, Diarrhea, and pain in middle to right side of abdomen. Check. Check. Check.

Inner dialogue. "I have 3 children, 2 of which are still sleeping, 1 of which is pooing, and a husband with a possible appendectomy in his future......How does one go to the emergency room with all of the aforementioned?"

I called a few people I knew to see if they would put themselves at risk and venture into our little sick bay, so I could take my husband to the ER. First house, no answer. Second house, mom and dad are gone and 18 year old is home without a car to get to me. Not to mention, her road is flooded!

Beep. Beep. Beep. "Hellerrrr, 911? I think I need an ambulance to come get my husband. He can't walk or hold his head up and I think his appendix are about to burst."

Ambulance is on the way. Eric is mumbling something about ".....that's too expensive." Second house call has called back and says she is on her way. There is some relief in sight....

This all took place before 9:30 a.m. We arrived at the ER and they performed all kinds of tests. They ruled out appendicitis. They ruled out kidney stones. He was severely dehydrated for inability to keep anything down.

We got out of the hospital about 1 p.m.

I called our babysitter to check in on Lauren.

She threw up and poopied again.

So, when I got home, I dropped Eric off and turned right around and took Lauren to her Pediatrician. It's Friday. You know what that means, moms? If I don't take her in today, she'll be worse by tomorrow and I'll wish I had taken her in......been there? She was also severely dehydrated.

For some reason, when my family gets sick, they can't keep anything down. Fluids, meds, nuttin'. So the result, dehydration.

The crisis has been averted for the moment. I'm thankful it wasn't more serious.

Diagnosis? Viral Gastroenteritis. All that for the stomach flu.