I had a rough night with Lauren. I'm having a hard time even thinking about how frustrated I get with my kids. I won't go into details, but I wonder, do other mothers struggle with the same things I do? I hate how short I can be sometimes and I'm always questioning, "Could I have handled that differently?" I yell a lot. My kids yell a lot. They are little mimics of us. I need to pray for more self control. They are kids, I'm not. Although, sometimes, I still feel like one, mentally. When did life get so hard? I know, in a sense, it has always had it's challeges, but this stage of my life has been, by far, the mosting difficult. I love my kids more than anything, but sometimes I don't think I show it by my words and actions.
Michael was honest with me about something tonight that he could have put off telling me. He got an F on a test because he didn't circle the answers in a section (I'm sure I don't know the whole story yet). He didn't have to confess right then, but he wanted to tell me because he was worried about it. I'm so thankful he did. I was able to talk to him without getting mad and I told he of some ways that he can avoid that in the future. It was nice to just talk about it. I'm glad it bothered him enough that he didn't want to keep it from me. I love that little boy so much!
Alright, I don't know if anything I have said makes any sense, but I'm just going to hit publish anyway. I am hanging in there......God is so good to me, even though I don't deserve it....Thank you, Jesus.
15 comments:
it is funny how we can think...this is the most difficult time....and then something else happens and then that is the most difficult time. it's all relative. i know it sounds cliche, but enjoy the little things. having little ones is hard, especially when you're with them all day, every day. but just think, you are forming who this little children of God are going to be. don't let them get you down...they're just kids....and yes, i'm putting that out into the atmosphere...they're the kids, you're the mommy.
Most of my day/weeks/months/years/ have been spent wanting to run kicking and screaming to a place far, far away. I should focus on the suggle time in my comfy chair and my son holding open the door for my mom or sister-in-law even when I'm not around, but I don't.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. The atmosphere needed them......
Did you know that you are fastly approaching 100 posts?
Wow, no I'm bad about even labeling mine! I go back a label them when I remember
Melissa,
I don't know if I ever said this to you or not, but I believe that I learned more from my children that they ever learned from me. You have all grown up to make me proud, in spite of my short comings as a parent. You love your children, as I did and still do, and they know that. That is the most important thing. But know one thing, just because they are not perfect yet, it is not a reflection on you as a parent. You are doing the best job you can as a parent and they will become wonderful adults because you love them and care for them! Robin makes a good point...this seems like the most difficult time only because it is right here, right now. Down the road, you will remember these times fondly and you may even be able to see humor in yourself. You are certainly not alone. Any parent who is honest, can identify with your feelings. One of the things I love about you the most is your honesty and sincerity! Hang in there, babe. They will be grown before you know it!
Love, Mom
Thanks, mom. You always have such good words of wisdom. I really appreciate it....
Yes, Linzy...well said. One day you will start laughing out loud when you think back to these days. And your mom is SO right....every mother can identify with your feelings. I know you are a movie buff....you know I can do anything with Nick Nolte? There is a line he has when he is describing his feelings about his daughter...he says ...I pray she's asleep when I get home so I don't have to deal with her...I'm afraid of my own kid.
I just laugh and laugh when I hear that line...the actress responding says...I've felt the same way, I just never said it out loud".
You have 3 beautiful healthy children, a Godly husband who adores you and you are doing a GREAT JOB!
Love, Sara
After all those wise words, I dont know that mine will measure up... However, I just happen to be "dealing" with a little girl almost exactly the same age as Lauren. To everyone on the "outside" she is a sweet angel and sometimes she is. But generally,to me, she is a walking, talking nightmare! That sounds very harsh, but I struggle with her every single day. From which shoes to wear, to one ponytail or two, we fight about EVERYTHING! I've tried giving her choices, letting her do it herself but she insists on butting heads everytime. Bedtime is something I dread and that makes me so sad because it should be a happy time between a mommy and her daughter.... I havent yet found the answer. I'm not sure if there is a "right one". I do know that I try every day to look at my daughter and be thankful that I have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy child. I try to take pleasure in the sense of humor that is emerging at a very rapid rate. Sometimes it's hard to do that when they are throwing stuff at you though, huh??
I also struggle with the I'm the Mommy reality. Sometimes I just want to go to my room and slam the door behind me. In fact, I've done that (more than once), but they always find me.... I think the point I am trying to make is that you are not alone in your struggle. We were children together (a long time ago...) and even back then it was clear you are a kind, caring person with a HUGE heart. We all know that you love your kids and so do they. That was more than obvious on our short visit with you.
I think that the two of us could do each other alot of good. Maybe we can help each other remember the important stuff when the frustrating stuff starts to get in the way. I think that sometimes just venting to someone who is floating in the same boat as you can take away alot of the stress... I say we give it a shot. We'll call ourselves the "Trying to get thru our childrens childhood without selling them on Ebay Mom's Club" : )
Karen, you are hilarious! Thanks you, everyone for your kinds and very helpful words. Sometimes, I just feel on the verge of insanity. I told someone a couple of weeks ago, that I lose my sanity just a little everyday.
By the way Karen, I'm in with the club. Is it free? I pay money to be a fat blogger, but I have yet to make any progress on becoming a skinny or at least a somewhat healthy blogger. I've saved more money doing this than I have with anything else.
Sara, I am not sure if you're talking about Prince of Tides, but I love that line!!! I have wonderful friends! I love you gals!
Melissa, why are you blogging at 1:17 AM. No wonder your kids are making you crazy! You are forgetting to sleep!!
By the way, the club is free to qualifing members. And trust me, we both qualify!!!
No the movie is I'll Do Anything...and it has Julie Kavner and Nick Nolte and the cutest little girl. Nick and her mother are divorced..she has to go to jail and so he gets the kid...the mother is always giving the kid a "compromise"...one of the funniest scenes is on the airplane when he first picks her up....she's sitting there and all of a sudden she decides, " I want my yellow dress"...he tries to explain that it's under the plane and they can't get it right now...she starts SCREAMING...I WANT MY YELLOW DRESS and really SCREAMING ...it is HYSTERICAL....everyone on the plane is staring..then she smacks herself...and the people behind jump and yell at him and say, " Don't you hit her" and he defends himself...cut to the scene where he is carrying her into the apartment and she has the YELLOW DRESS on over her other clothes. It is the best movie...you must rent it if you haven't seen it...
I was laughing at Karen...I still remember you three little girls...thought you were SO BIG...but you were good little girls and you turned out to be really neat women. Growing up is just a journey...I am still growing up myself.
Love you, Melissa.
Sara
Yes, parenting is hard-& I can totally relate to what you just wrote. It is the hardest thing I've ever done & my kids are still pretty young, but I can't imagine my life any other way...Love you!!!
I blog when I can. If I don't, I would not only qualify for the club, I may ebay a child!
Okay, I definitely need to rent that movie!!! It's sounds hysterical....
Good to hear from you Leslie....Love you, too.
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