Emmy Doodle's Exclamations

At the breakfast table, almost every day, one of our children asks if we are going to church today. Our road to the church is a dirt road and it got washed out last week because of all the rain. We had to cancel church last Wednesday night since no one could drive on it. Well, this morning, Lauren asked, "Are we going to church today?"
Emmy quickly answers, "NO! We can't. Someone pooped at church."

Thanks for the warning, Emmers. DO NOT GO IN THERE!

BTW, we had church this morning. Very small crowd, though. Apparantly the rumor about the poop got out.

And The Guest Blogger is.......

Shelley from I'm Changing My Name To Ouisa is my guest blogger today. She is a very dear friend to me (I'm on the phone with her as I'm typing, Hi Shell!).

This woman has the most infectious laugh I have ever heard in my life. She is a former member of the church where my husband pastors. She and her family just moved away from the church in a cow pasture (that's what we call it; and, I know, the blog is really outdated!) to live in a cow pasture. How's that for cruel irony? She can now tell you everything you never wanted to know about tractors, hay and cutting cows. Ask her about Sweetums (did I get that right?).

This is one of the most hilarious posts I have ever read from Shell. She is always funny, but this one hit close to home since we had a similar experience that I'll blog about next week. Enjoy the read and love her in comments......she will love you back, I promise.......


New Car Smell :) (My Title, since Michelle rarely titles)

Yesterday, I forgot the cardinal rule of being a mother of three.......Never trust them....don't turn your back on them.Okay, I used to drive a really nice vehicle. A beautiful Chevrolet S-10 pickup. The most beautiful shade of blue you could hope for. I kept that baby squeaky clean. No trash in the floor, no dust on the dashboard. Man, it was smokin'.Fast forward fourteen years and three kids later. It is just something that I have had to let go. A messy, nasty ride. The grocery getter. If I had a rocking chair tied to the top, I could win the best Redneck ride ever. So, yesterday, I lost it. I opened the back door of my mini=van and trash spilled out onto the ground.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't stand it one more minute. I grabbed my 12 (excuse me, almost 13 year old) son and headed down to the friendly neighborhood car wash and vacuum place. Then spent a good twenty minutes sweating and fussing about all the twelve pounds of dried up french fries I found between the back seat the and wall of the car. YUCK...... I could have filled a recycle box with all the trash that came out of that back area. Stink? Oh, don't even get me started. I found a half eaten box of chicken nuggets in the bottom of the overflowing trash can. Apparently, they had gotten wet at some point and we were definitely trying to win a science award for growing cultures in the garbage.So, I'm all proud of this nice, clean van. I could just cry it looked so good. And then it happened, I think it was the heat that did it..........my son says, "Mom, look here, it's one of them fragrance machines". And because I was gagging over the smell of those rotten chicken nuggets, I said to myself, "Self, I bet the car would smell soooooooooo good. Ooooh, they have a baby powder scented spray. Who doesn't love baby powder???? I'm no communist, I love the smell of a freshly diapered infant and the smell of their heads, is just wonderful. But I digress, I dug four of my hard earned quarters out of my pocket and ching, ching, ching, ching, in they went. And this nozzle from H -E- double hockey sticks starts spraying this fragrance.Now the instructions are 4 quarters for 40 seconds of spray. AND that you should spray under the back of the front seats of the vehicle. I was ready to stop spraying at 3 seconds. But, in these hard economic times, I really couldn't justify wasting 37 seconds of sprayed fragrance, could I?

The smell was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud. We had to drive with the windows down. When I got out at home, my head was throbbing...It was a mistake and I was so sorry. BUT, not as sorry as I was today. Yikesarama. That is some strong stuff.

Okay, I am chuckling as I read this because when my 6 year old daughter got in the car today, she wrinkled her pretty little nose and said, "Mom, did you spray bug spray in here or did you just toot?"

Don't trust them.......and never turn your back on them.

You Asked For It...

Actually, I asked you, to ask me, but technically......well anywho....here are the answers to your somewhat probing questions......



Hot Tub Lizzy (My Secret Agent Friend....:) asks:

What's your biggest pet peeve about being a pastor's wife?

I think one of the biggest pet peeves is the unrealistic expectations from people. My kids are unruly just like yours. My husband and I argue, just like everyone else. The Holy Bible doesn't sit as a center piece on our coffee table. We don't even have a coffee table.

We have been very blessed with our church family. They accept us just the way we are. Flaws and all.

Living in a glass fish bowl does get wearing, but it keeps us aware that, at any time, someone should be able to walk into our home and not find anything that would make them question our sincerity as believers in Christ. Jesus sees it all anyway.


Do you prefer hot drinks or cold?

I love me some hot java, but really ice is a must in pretty much everything else. Even milk.

Silver or Gold?

Both. Mostly gold. I may start selling off the stuff I don't wear anymore, though. Do you know how much gold is going for these days? Whooo. My mom took some old gold jewerly to a gold exchange and got $700!!!


Do you like plaid?

Girl, if you were to open up my closet right now, it would be like looking at one of those optical illusions. Plaid is so FETCH!

Yes....yes. I like plaid.

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My kin sister by way of a redheaded child, Caroline, was very curious:

* Please explain how it is that mothers taking care of children who are pooping and vomiting their guts out never get sick?


I wasn't so fortunate. I puked my guts out last night. I had this question answered yesterday in a totally different way, but I guess I counted my chunks before they hurled.


* What is your favorite restaurant and your favorite thing to while dining there?


My favorite restaurant would have to be anything Mexican! Chicken Enchiladas with refried beans and rice. Extra sour cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Q-Doba is definitely in the top 5.
Great Question, Caroline!


* If the Vice President died, who would be left to be President?


That would be, Who is the Speaker of the House, Alex. A bleak outlook in Nancy Pelossi. Yuck!


* If I were to vote for neither of the presidential candidates, would Huckabee win?


Oh, I so wish so, my dear. We can live in that dream together, 'kay?


* What IS the hardest part of living the life in ministry?

Finding workers. It's hard to do everything yourself and that's not the way God designed it to be. I can't just say, "Honey, I don't feel like going to church today. Let's just sleep in." I wish all believers had that same sense of responsibility.

* How many fingers am I holding up?

Thanks for the sign language, Caroline. I love you, too.

* If you drink coffee, do you add the cream and sugar first before pouring the coffee or after pouring?

Sugar before.

Cream after.

No doubt, the only right way.

My coffee can't be too dark(too strong) or too light(too weak), it must be just right. The only way to ensure perfect color is to add milk until it looks like a camel's coat.

Sugar gets added before, because that never changes. 3 spoonfuls. Yes, I'm begging to go into some sort of diabetic coma, but it's a survival technique. Come live a day in Paradise and then see if you're still gasping in shock and shagrin. It's the only way I can type 154 words per minute. (I'm totally lying about that last remark, but my justification for how much sugar I use just doesn't really hold much water.)

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My dear friend, who doesn't laugh ever (today's opposite day :), Shelley a.k.a. Gigglebox asks:

Why is the sky called blue?
God said so.

Do you see green the same way I do?

I was always told green is the true color of love :) or was that "lust"? Is that the way you see it? Nerd.

Why? To maintain my Proverbs 31 status, I must abstain from answering.....:D

What is up with all the word verifications I have to do just to leave a comment?

It's to keep all those yucky people from trying to leave me yucky comments, like "You wanna join my blog cult? Click here."

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Angie, my favorite clown from the Circus asks:

What's your favorite childhood memory?

That would have to be the Girls' trip to Georgia with my mom and my sis when I gave a foot concert on the dashboard singing the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack. (Another post entirely) My toes are very talented.

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Ronnica, a woman on a mission (seriously, check this girl out):



What's the biggest blessing you or your family has received from your congregation?



I don't think I could pin it down to one. We have been very blessed by our church family. Pastor Appreciation is a big deal is this church. They make us feel very loved. They also celebrate our Anniversary with the church every year.


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My wacky childhood friend, Karen, is killin' me with this question:



How come it was OK for Mrs.Majors to sit at her desk and eat fried chicken and mashed potatos all day long (all the while licking her fingers), but if we were caught chewing gum, we got detention??......



All I can say is.......do you see any resemblance??? Just darken the hair and add mashed potatoes and Voila! Mrs. Majors. "Chill'ren, spit that gum out befo I send yo butt down to Mr. Robinson's office."






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My new friend, Kori, was quite curious. Please click her name and go see her beautiful family. She has been such a blessing to me.


Favorite color?


Earth Tones (does that count?)


Favorite vacation spot?


Tallahassee( I know that sounds silly, but I love that town. More because of who lives there. My BFF)


Favorite Bible Verse?


Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom Christ has set up free. Stand firm then, and do not be burdened any longer by a yoke of slavery."


Favorite candy?

Hershey bar with almonds


pencils or pens?


Black Ink Pens


favorite smell?


Roses


gum or mints?


Just wanna give a little shout out for Extra Berry Pearadise


ketchup or mustard?


Both


pepsi or coke?


Wild Cherry Pepsi

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Anissa, my little bumble bee with the cutest, dimpliest child I've ever seen asks:


Why do the stars twinkle?


To quote Pumba from the Lion King "I always thought they were balls of gas burning millions of miles away." Timon: "Pumba, everything with you is gas."

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Lula. How does one describe in words??? My Twin. Peak....read on....:


If you could go back to any moment in history, where would you go?


To the time my grandfathers were alive.


Why? I never knew either of them.


What fictional character would you spend an evening of passion with, if God allowed it?
(You so know my answer to this one!)

A fictional version of my hubby. :) I know. I'm no fun.


Why don't others understand that Twin Peaks was a truly awesome show?


Lula, this is a question that has plagued me for centuries years (I'm really not a vampire). I can hear the music playing in my head as I type and I'm shivering.


If you could be a guest on any television talk show, whose couch would you sit on?


Okay, I know I will receive some flack for this, but Ellen. I totally love her show. Not so much recently, but just to dance across the coffee table.....

Do pastors live in glass houses? ('Cause small town doctors certainly do!)

Oh yes. Quick story. When Eric and I were single and in ministry we used to eat supper sitting at the couch. Very informal. We would watch TV and we would prop our plates on the arms of the couch. To do this, we had to sit on opposite ends of the couch. We had a big picture window, which the couch was right up against. One night at church, one of the girls from our youth group came up to me and asked me if Eric and I had a fight. I told her no. "Why do you ask?" She informed me that when she drove by our house the day before, she saw us sitting on seperate ends of the couch and she thought we weren't speaking to one another. Glass house? Oh yeah.

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Hi Staci Here, i surfed over from the Hot Tubb...

Okay have you read "The Shack"?

No, I haven't. But I'm intrigued.

If not have you heard of it?

Not until now.

If you have heard of it do you plan on reading it?

I would like to find out more about it. I will be researching it. That's for sure.

And if you have heard of it what do you think of the conterversy surrounding the book?

Yikes. I just read some of it and I don't like the sounds of it. I will have to do some more research. I just read a little of one article so it will take me more time. Sounds like a future post, hey?

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Adelaine, who must be totally stressed trying to rake her leaves (click to see what I mean) asks:

Who in your family has Celiac Disease?

This is still a mystery. I have done some research on both sides and haven't found anyone else with it. I know they say it's hereditary, but I may never know.....

Was your husband called to the ministry before or after you were married? And what were your feelings about his calling?

Before.

I've been on board 100% the entire time. I consider myself his co-laborer in our ministry.

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Dee Dee, my BFF's mom and my spiritual guru (jk, but seriously, my mentor!!! I love you, Sara):

I'd like to hear the answer to the question about Ms. Majors. And didn't she threaten to "cut your butt off"?

I think she goes down as the worst teacher in history for that one. And I believe the term she used was "Yo butt!" (I can hear you laughing Sara, and I'm laughing because of it.)

And did she ever teach you anything besides BAD MANNERS?

She taught me how to suck on my teeth after eating corn on the cob. It's very bad manners to have food stuck in your teeth, Sara.

2nd - What did you and Robin used to do that I never knew?

You dropped us off at a high school soccer game and we walked over the Glades Road bridge and went to a Chinese restaurant. We walked back to the game and you picked us up. (Our escapades always involved food. Nothing's changed.)

3rd - I'm with the blogger that wants to know WHY DO I HAVE TO TYPE WORD VERIFICATIONS just to comment on your blog when I have known you since you were in the 3rd grade?

How can I really know it's you.........hmmmmmmmmm?

Bunny Hugger

Most of you don't know my husband from anyone, but a bunny hugger he is not. He can hunt deer with the best of 'em. He must be getting soft in his old age. He runs in the morning and made a furry discovery on his travels today. I took the kids to school this morning and went grocery shopping. I arrived home to find this on top of my REFRIGERATOR!

Can I just tell you how disturbing this is on so many levels? Notice the purple bin that was formerly used for toys and now has the carcass of a bunny. On top of the refrigerator. Where I am going to unload our food. That we eat. Anyone coming for dinner tonight?

***Update on the bunny for the inquiring minds. The bunny has perished. My husband, in his best efforts, tried to rescue Thumper (that's what we'll call him). He fed it water through a syringe in an attempt to hydrate the little guy, but to no avail. He now rests in peace in our backyard. Thank you for your concern and no, my husband did not just put a dead bunny on top of our refrigerator. He thought it may have a chance to survive. He was well intentioned.

Keep 'em Comin'

I am going to wait a few days to post the answers. Keep the questions coming. I finally got the bug last night. I had a pretty mild case, thank you Jesus. Emmy started puking again this morning. Michael and Lauren did make it to school today, thank you Jesus.



I'm hope the thing with Emmy is just a fluke. I feel so bad for her. Phenergan is our friend.



Karen, I'm going to have to sit on that question for a while. I thought therapy had helped until you dredge up that Madea-on-crack teacher. Piece be steel.....



My guest blogger day will be coming soon, too.

Check back for the answers on Thursday....until then....

Ask The Pastor.........'s Wife

Okay, I once again am jumping on a bandwagon. The Q & A bandwagon. I would like to entertain your questions. Here's how this works.

Leave a comment on this post. Ask me anything you'd like. I will let you know if it's something I'm not able or willing to answer.

Keep in mind. I'm a pastor's wife. There are some things I'm not able to discuss to protect the privacy and anonymity of our church family. I doubt your questions will even go there, but the disclaimer is necessary, nonetheless.


Your questions can be theological, but I am not the one who went to Seminary. If you have a question for my hubby, I would be glad to include those, too.


I will take anything from "What's your favorite food?" to "What's the hardest part about life in ministry?"


So, ask away. Don't leave me hangin'......



***Update on the family. Michael started the bug, last evening. I'm praying that this is the end of it. He does not have it as serious as Emmy. He didn't even wake me up when he threw up last night. He kept the trash can by his bed and took care of bid'niss. What a big boy he is turning out to be. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes. I can't tell you how much it means. I love you, my bloggy family.

Family Wellness (or lack thereof) Update

****Attention Kori, this is another puke post. Read with caution....:)

I had no idea what I was in for this weekend. I have never, in my life, dealt with so much puke!

Lauren and Eric started to feel better yesterday. They just kind of laid around the house all day. The TV never went off. I caught up on New Moon and did laundry and dishes. I'm totally sleep deprived and it's actually working to my home's advantage.

Enter Emily. Saturday evening, around 10 p.m. or so, she comes out of her room complaining of a tummy ache. I really kind of dismissed her because she copies whatever her big sis is doing and she will use any excuse in the book to get out of bed. I asked her where it hurt. She pointed at her upper chest. Case closed. The faker.

Boy was I wrong. The clock struck midnight and Emily quickly made the girl from the Exorcist look like Holly Hobby. She puked every five minutes for the next hour and a half. Dry heaves.

She started to pace herself a little and slowed down to every 45 minutes until 7 a.m. when I finally buckled and yes, went back to the ER.

George Clooney, where were you? I really needed to see you this morning.

She was dehydrated and couldn't keep anything down. Sound familiar. Thanks for stating the obvious, Melissa.

It's viral. Which translates, CONTAGIOUS.

There isn't enough Lysol in the world to keep this house from catching this really nasty, big, fat, cockroach like bug.

The doctor (who looked nothing like Dr. Carter or Dr. Kovach) gave her a shot of Phenergan and that stopped the vomiting......temporarily.

Sing it if you know it:

"Emmy had a shot in her leg of Phenergan,

but puke kept running down her chinnagin,

up went the suppository in her hiney-kin,

Poor little Emily, Phenergan, begin again."

That was my sorry attempt at a remake of a nursery rhyme.

Thank goodness Lauren Nightingale lives in our home. She gladly brought Emily her Gatorade in a basket to her room and stroked her hair off her face. She has the gift of compassion and mercy just oozing out of her. I love her for that. Affirm. Affirm. Affirm.

So, is it just a matter of time? Will Michael and mommy escape the crud? Will we soon be shoving anti-vomit suppositories into our exit only areas? (Sorry, I'm being crude) Stay tuned. I'm sure you all are just dying to see how this one wraps up.

The Pathway to Rome~By Beth Moore

The following bible study is taken from "To Live Is Christ" By Beth Moore:

Romans 6:1-23

We are Slaves to Righteousness:

1. By reminding ourselves we are DEAD to sin (v. 11). ***Sin has no hold on you except that which you give it permission to have.
2. By deliberately resisting the reign of sin (v. 12).
3. By deliberately offering ourselves to God (v. 13; 12:1) ***Refuse Satan the right to have authority over you.
4. By knowing our rights as those united with Christ (v. 14; Gal. 5:1). ***It is our right in Christ to be FREE!
5. By not misapplying the doctrine of GRACE (v. 15). ***Salvation is a gift. Holiness is a pursuit.
6. By realizing no substitute exists for whole-hearted obedience in our quest to be free from slavery to sin (v. 17). ***This one spoke directly to me!!!
7. By facing the weakness of our natural selves (v. 19).
8. By acknowledging the ever-increasing nature of wickedness (v. 19).
9. By never forgetting the powerless feeling of being out of control (v. 20). (Moms, can I get a HOLLA or Hallelujer?)
10. By counting the cost of slavery to sin (v. 21).
11. By recognizing the benefit of slavery to God (v. 22; Micah 7:8, 18-19).

***Do the right thing, until your heart feels the right thing.

This was taken from a video session in the bible study I'm currently going through. I felt sick to my stomach while I was watching it because I knew God was dealing directly with me. I want to share this with you in the hopes that God will deal with you where you need dealing. If we are in Christ, we always need a little dealing with.

They Call Me The Poop Checker/Vomit Catcher

Yep. You read that right. That's what I have been doing for the past 24 hours. Checking for poop and catching vomit with my bare hands. Talents like this run deep.

Lauren started out Wednesday with a bang. She came home from school not feeling well. She kept telling me she felt like throwing up, but it was just false alarms. Until.....we were in the car and I neglected to bring a bucket. Glorious uprising! Hellerrrr? (Madea-ese again) Why is it, mom's always try to catch the chunks as they are hurling outward? Do we really think we are accomplishing anything, but getting spewage all over us as well as everything else?

Well, by morning, we thought everything was better. Just a one time deal. Negatory, Junior Pig Pen. Thursday night, same thing. Friday morning I'm awakened by the retching coming from our bathroom. Hubby is hugging the bowl and pretty much indicating I'm in for a very long Friday.

Lauren then gets up and informs me she had an accident in her bed. I'm thinking, "Awww, you wet your bed." No such luck. Think other end. Are you starting to get the title of this post?

A bath, some Clorox Clean-up, and a load of laundry later, hubby starts yelping from the bedroom. I can't quite make out what he is trying to say in between pukes, but he starts clutching his stomach and writhing in pain.

Google Search: Symptoms of Appendicitis

Vomiting, Diarrhea, and pain in middle to right side of abdomen. Check. Check. Check.

Inner dialogue. "I have 3 children, 2 of which are still sleeping, 1 of which is pooing, and a husband with a possible appendectomy in his future......How does one go to the emergency room with all of the aforementioned?"

I called a few people I knew to see if they would put themselves at risk and venture into our little sick bay, so I could take my husband to the ER. First house, no answer. Second house, mom and dad are gone and 18 year old is home without a car to get to me. Not to mention, her road is flooded!

Beep. Beep. Beep. "Hellerrrr, 911? I think I need an ambulance to come get my husband. He can't walk or hold his head up and I think his appendix are about to burst."

Ambulance is on the way. Eric is mumbling something about ".....that's too expensive." Second house call has called back and says she is on her way. There is some relief in sight....

This all took place before 9:30 a.m. We arrived at the ER and they performed all kinds of tests. They ruled out appendicitis. They ruled out kidney stones. He was severely dehydrated for inability to keep anything down.

We got out of the hospital about 1 p.m.

I called our babysitter to check in on Lauren.

She threw up and poopied again.

So, when I got home, I dropped Eric off and turned right around and took Lauren to her Pediatrician. It's Friday. You know what that means, moms? If I don't take her in today, she'll be worse by tomorrow and I'll wish I had taken her in......been there? She was also severely dehydrated.

For some reason, when my family gets sick, they can't keep anything down. Fluids, meds, nuttin'. So the result, dehydration.

The crisis has been averted for the moment. I'm thankful it wasn't more serious.

Diagnosis? Viral Gastroenteritis. All that for the stomach flu.

Pipe Cleaners, Pasta Trains and Pelting Rain

Thank you Parents magazine for coming in time! I got my magazine chock full of ideas to help me keep the kids occupied while the rain came down and the floods came up. They really had a lot of good ideas this month.

First, we made pasta trains......aren't these adorable? I wanted to make sure I got photos before they were destroyed. That's why there is still glue showing....

Next, I just handed a bunch of pipe cleaners to the kids and let them do with them what they did. Here are the results:

Not quite sure what Lauren was going for, but she made a bunch of them!

Michael made glasses. Genius isn't he?

There were quite a few more great ideas, but this was a "Memo To Mommy" that I thought was some very helpful advice. Credit goes to Parents Magazine for this one (paranthetical input, mine):

Memo To Mommy

You have a lot of lessons to teach your little one, but he/she has a few words of wisdom for you too.

Stop freaking out about the mess! There's always time to clean--but how often do we get to make mud pies? (yeah, but who has to clean the crevices where the mud likes to get? Me that's who....)

Love me, even when I'm naughty. I'll only be this age once. (Oh Emily, they must know you.)

Be patient, I do everything for a reason, but I don't know enough words yet to give you an explanation. (Even when I overload the toilet with toilet paper! There's got to be a logical reason for that!)

Let me do it. I know you can do it faster and better, but sometimes experience is the best teacher. (Okay, here's where I need big help. Cracking eggs is not something I'm ready to allow.)

Don't expect too much of me. I want to do what you ask and make you happy, but I'm still little. (What can I say to this? They give me those eyes and I melt.)

Don't try to reason with me when I'm having a tantrum. Trust me--I can't hear you over my screaming. (Well then, how come when I threaten bodily harm, you quiet down?)

Don't keep asking me if I've been good. I'm not even sure what that means, but if I was bad I'd never admit it! (Bullseye!)

Don't let me think that you're perfect. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who makes mistakes sometimes. (A perfect mom wouldn't let her kids smack her booty)

Set limits. I can't actually eat a whole box of cookies--I just want to see if I'd get away with it. (Mommy is the only one allowed to eat the whole box. Do as I say, not as I do.....)

Keep your promises. It's all about trust. When I'm a teenager, you'll understand why it's so important. (Even the kind of promises like, "I promise I'll make you lunch in a few minutes." Blog. Blog. Blog....."Mom, you promised. It's been a few minutes." Type. Type. ""Honey, you can't tell time. You don't know how long I meant by a few minutes.")