They Call Me The Poop Checker/Vomit Catcher

Yep. You read that right. That's what I have been doing for the past 24 hours. Checking for poop and catching vomit with my bare hands. Talents like this run deep.

Lauren started out Wednesday with a bang. She came home from school not feeling well. She kept telling me she felt like throwing up, but it was just false alarms. Until.....we were in the car and I neglected to bring a bucket. Glorious uprising! Hellerrrr? (Madea-ese again) Why is it, mom's always try to catch the chunks as they are hurling outward? Do we really think we are accomplishing anything, but getting spewage all over us as well as everything else?

Well, by morning, we thought everything was better. Just a one time deal. Negatory, Junior Pig Pen. Thursday night, same thing. Friday morning I'm awakened by the retching coming from our bathroom. Hubby is hugging the bowl and pretty much indicating I'm in for a very long Friday.

Lauren then gets up and informs me she had an accident in her bed. I'm thinking, "Awww, you wet your bed." No such luck. Think other end. Are you starting to get the title of this post?

A bath, some Clorox Clean-up, and a load of laundry later, hubby starts yelping from the bedroom. I can't quite make out what he is trying to say in between pukes, but he starts clutching his stomach and writhing in pain.

Google Search: Symptoms of Appendicitis

Vomiting, Diarrhea, and pain in middle to right side of abdomen. Check. Check. Check.

Inner dialogue. "I have 3 children, 2 of which are still sleeping, 1 of which is pooing, and a husband with a possible appendectomy in his future......How does one go to the emergency room with all of the aforementioned?"

I called a few people I knew to see if they would put themselves at risk and venture into our little sick bay, so I could take my husband to the ER. First house, no answer. Second house, mom and dad are gone and 18 year old is home without a car to get to me. Not to mention, her road is flooded!

Beep. Beep. Beep. "Hellerrrr, 911? I think I need an ambulance to come get my husband. He can't walk or hold his head up and I think his appendix are about to burst."

Ambulance is on the way. Eric is mumbling something about ".....that's too expensive." Second house call has called back and says she is on her way. There is some relief in sight....

This all took place before 9:30 a.m. We arrived at the ER and they performed all kinds of tests. They ruled out appendicitis. They ruled out kidney stones. He was severely dehydrated for inability to keep anything down.

We got out of the hospital about 1 p.m.

I called our babysitter to check in on Lauren.

She threw up and poopied again.

So, when I got home, I dropped Eric off and turned right around and took Lauren to her Pediatrician. It's Friday. You know what that means, moms? If I don't take her in today, she'll be worse by tomorrow and I'll wish I had taken her in......been there? She was also severely dehydrated.

For some reason, when my family gets sick, they can't keep anything down. Fluids, meds, nuttin'. So the result, dehydration.

The crisis has been averted for the moment. I'm thankful it wasn't more serious.

Diagnosis? Viral Gastroenteritis. All that for the stomach flu.

Pipe Cleaners, Pasta Trains and Pelting Rain

Thank you Parents magazine for coming in time! I got my magazine chock full of ideas to help me keep the kids occupied while the rain came down and the floods came up. They really had a lot of good ideas this month.

First, we made pasta trains......aren't these adorable? I wanted to make sure I got photos before they were destroyed. That's why there is still glue showing....

Next, I just handed a bunch of pipe cleaners to the kids and let them do with them what they did. Here are the results:

Not quite sure what Lauren was going for, but she made a bunch of them!

Michael made glasses. Genius isn't he?

There were quite a few more great ideas, but this was a "Memo To Mommy" that I thought was some very helpful advice. Credit goes to Parents Magazine for this one (paranthetical input, mine):

Memo To Mommy

You have a lot of lessons to teach your little one, but he/she has a few words of wisdom for you too.

Stop freaking out about the mess! There's always time to clean--but how often do we get to make mud pies? (yeah, but who has to clean the crevices where the mud likes to get? Me that's who....)

Love me, even when I'm naughty. I'll only be this age once. (Oh Emily, they must know you.)

Be patient, I do everything for a reason, but I don't know enough words yet to give you an explanation. (Even when I overload the toilet with toilet paper! There's got to be a logical reason for that!)

Let me do it. I know you can do it faster and better, but sometimes experience is the best teacher. (Okay, here's where I need big help. Cracking eggs is not something I'm ready to allow.)

Don't expect too much of me. I want to do what you ask and make you happy, but I'm still little. (What can I say to this? They give me those eyes and I melt.)

Don't try to reason with me when I'm having a tantrum. Trust me--I can't hear you over my screaming. (Well then, how come when I threaten bodily harm, you quiet down?)

Don't keep asking me if I've been good. I'm not even sure what that means, but if I was bad I'd never admit it! (Bullseye!)

Don't let me think that you're perfect. I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who makes mistakes sometimes. (A perfect mom wouldn't let her kids smack her booty)

Set limits. I can't actually eat a whole box of cookies--I just want to see if I'd get away with it. (Mommy is the only one allowed to eat the whole box. Do as I say, not as I do.....)

Keep your promises. It's all about trust. When I'm a teenager, you'll understand why it's so important. (Even the kind of promises like, "I promise I'll make you lunch in a few minutes." Blog. Blog. Blog....."Mom, you promised. It's been a few minutes." Type. Type. ""Honey, you can't tell time. You don't know how long I meant by a few minutes.")

Lauren's Lyrics....

Rain, Rain, go away.

Come again another day.

Little Lauren wants to pet the kittens.

So please rain go away.

You Had To Know....

...I was going to post some first day of school pics. Faye could not keep us away from the first day. No way. I couldn't pass up that opportunity to be poetic.

So, we got 2 of our 3 children off to school yesterday. Now they're home today. How does that work? It's not funny. I know you're probably "tee-hee"ing on the other side of the screen at my tease of a break from the madness that makes my life blogworthy.

One day of school and BAM! We're all together again.

They cancelled school because of this "rain" that they think will develop into a "severe" thunderstorm. I hope I'm not being too carefree about what this tropical thing will do, but I get a little ancy when I get all geared up for having some "me and Emmy" time and well, some "just me" time, and then......lock down.

Okay, enough whining. My kids had a great first day of school.

Lauren was so cute as she hung up her backpack and sat in her seat. Her teacher had a story book at every seat and Lauren's favorite book, The 3 Little Pigs was at her's. Eric started reading it to her and she was just fine for us to be on our way. It was such a sweet good-bye. No crying. A little puking later in the day, but we just think her lunchable disagreed with her. She's fine now.

Michael has become old-hat at this now. He started 2nd grade and went right in and seem to do very well. He said his teacher is very nice and she does seem to be very well organized (my observation).

I love that it is a Christian school where they will be taught God's word everyday and prayer is an integral part of everything they do.

I can't wait to see what this year will bring!

Lauren with her teacher, Mrs. Johnson

Lauren giving daddy good-bye kisses

Emmy, Me (oh my gosh, I have bedhead, okay? I'm over it.) and Lauren

Aren't these just the most precious chillens you have ever seen. Bertiful! Hallelujer! (That's Madea-ese, in case you didn't know)

If you don't know Madea and her family, you must be introduced.

Lunacy

I must have looked like a raving lunatic yesterday.

What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn't.

Quite to my surprise, the library called in the afternoon. "Ma'am, New Moon has arrived and we will hold it for 3 days." I thanked them, hung up and squealed with unnecessary glee. After all, it's just a book. :)

So, I pack all the kids into the van and decide to head on over to the library to pick up the latest in my obsessions that is Twilight.

"Mom, can you check out a Magic Tree House book for me?" says Michael.

"Mom, a horsey book for me?" Lauren adds.

"I want one, too!" Emily says with a little bit of attitude, like I wasn't going to get her anything.

"No, you can't have a horsey book! That's my favorite," pipes up Lauren.

You can see where this is going.

Does this incessant arguing over trivial things ever stop?

I get some very random books quickly and go up to the checkout table. The librarian says, "Can I help you?"

I wanted to say, "Don't you recognize me? I was just here yesterday to request a copy of New Moon?"

What I did say was, "Yes, I believe you have a copy of New Moon behind the counter here for me."

"Oh yes, these books are very popular with the young crowd," she says, very nicely.

I wanted to say, "Uh huh, just scan it, lady. It's for me, okay. Yes, I have these 3 children and yes, I'm probably old enough to parent some of Twilight's readers, but lay off. It's therapeutic after dealing with these 3 all day."

What I did say was, "I know, it's crazy how good these books are! You should read them."


So, after leaving the library, I hadn't had quite enough drama, so I decided to head on over to the grocery store. I figured, with Faye on her way, I may want to stock up on some canned goods and such. Still praying, all the while, that the first day of school will NOT be cancelled due to weather. So far, so good.

I don't know about you, but for some reason when I hit the grocer with all 3 of my children, it's go time. My kids start whining about every. little. thing. This one has to go potty. That one wants to stop at the bakery for the free cookie that has staining sprinkles. One doesn't want to sit in the germ infested cart shaped like a race car that is rather difficult to steer.

So, like a good mom, I address the issues according to urgency. To the potty first. By the time we get back there (why this grocery store has placed the bathroom all the way at the back is beyond my comprehension), my 4 year old has about driven me mad with her whining about the cookie. So, I, no so gently, removed her from the cart that she didn't want to sit in in the first place, and take her kicking and screaming into the bathroom along with the child,who actually had to potty and the other child, who was actually being fairly well behaved at this point. You would have thought I was performing Chinese water torture on this child. I think she just needed a nap. The irrationality level at this point was so high, I don't know what else it could have been.

By the time I left the bathroom, I was ready to nix the trip through the store. I'm sure my hair said it all. Sloppy, tousled mess. It's times like this, I'm praying I don't see anyone from my church because I definitely don't feel altogether chipper or ready to discuss Sunday's sermon. Nevertheless, my son, bless his heart, asks me if he can pass out gospel tracts. I'm serious. He loves to tell people about Jesus. Isn't it just like the Lord to put that silver lining on a very ominous dark thunder cloud?
So, what Christian mother could say no to that? Of course, I let him. As long as he didn't leave the aisle we were on at the time.

A few aisles over, a man stops me, to tell me that he thinks it's great that I am teaching my children to do this. However, he then starts into a dissertation about why what I believe is in error and what the real meaning of the bible is.....Do I need to elaborate? Let's put it this way. I would usually only meet someone like this if I was at home talking to them through my door because they always come over when I'm still in my PJ's sans bra. You get my point? He starts in on me with this discussion and meanwhile I'm grabbing one child by the shirt, ssshhing another child and pursing my lips at another. I finally looked at him and said, "Sir, I'm not trying to be rude, but you can see I have 3 children here. This is really neither the time nor the place to discuss this. I'm very grounded in God's Word and I know what I believe. I need to get back to shopping. Be blessed." Well, wouldn't you know it, he didn't get the hint. He tracks me down again a couple of aisles over! Needless to say, I was firm, but pleasant.

I finally made it out of the store alive with all three children still intact. I threatened to pull the car over and other empty rants. I'm thinking of installing one of those automatic privacy windows, like they have in limousines. It would just be safer for everyone.

Good Night Twilight

I have finished a quarter of the ever popular Twilight series.

I must say, there aren't very many books that can hold my attention for very long. I won't usually read very long before I get distracted by other goings on around me.

This book was different. I started it last Monday evening and I finished it early this morning (Monday August 18th)....about 1 a.m. or so.... That's fast for me.

I have never read an entire book in one day.

I don't think I ever will.

I'm really not a bookworm.

I'm more of a booksnacker.

I take a bite.

Put it down.

Graze a little more.

Put it down.

Forget that I'm reading it.

Then I have to start over because I can't just pick back up where I left off.

I usually never start over, though. I don't want to reread everything. So, most of the books I've "read" never get "read".

Twilight was different.

Maybe I'm different.

My kids are getting older. I'm able to steal a few moments here and there. I can actually go to the bathroom and leave my kids unattended for a few minutes.

I did read more before I had children.

I was able to.

No distractions.

No diapers.

No "awnge" juice theivery or booty calls.

No messes, unless I made them.

Maybe that's what I love about this book. It takes me back to that feeling of new love. Before it gets complicated with life.

Don't get me wrong, Bella and Edward have complicated down to a tee.

But it's different.

Different than my complicated.

I can escape into someone else's drama that is polar opposite of mine.

That's it. That's what I love about this book. Thank you Stephanie Meyer. Thank you for not once mentioning my complicated life in your story of true love. Thank you for straying as far away as possible from the life that is mine. That's what will keep me coming back for more.

Emmy Doodle's Exclamations...

I have just been so tickled over the past few days at some of the silly word chatter of my 3 year old. I just want to document this before I forget it......

Lauren says, "Mom, tell Emily to leave me alone!"
Emily says, "But mom, I just want to smell her!"
Me, "Lauren, just let her smell you and then she will leave you alone."
Lauren had just taken a bath and smelled really sweet....
Emmy sniffs and says,"MMMM, she's smells good."

Saturday morning I fix breakfast for Emmy and myself. I was, fortunately, the last person up. My hubby let me sleep in, bless his soul. I fixed myself and Emmy a glass of OJ and set them on the table. I walked back into the kitchen and got my bowl of cereal to bring to the table. By the time I got back out to the dining room, Emmy had finished her glass of OJ and dumped my entire glass into her glass and was drinking it! I looked at her with frustration and she innocently looked up and said, "Can I have your awnge juice, mommy?"

The other day Michael had a friend over to play and Emmy had to go potty. She comes running out into the living room, naked from the waist down! I said, "Emmy, you can't come running out here without clothes on. We have company." She proceeds to ask me, "Why, because he will see my booty?"

On Thursday, Emmy locked herself in her room and then had to go pee. I didn't get to her in time, so I had a mess to clean up. I was just so thrilled to have to clean up pee, again! Emmy comes up behind me while I'm down on my hands and knees and pats me on the behind...and then giggles. "That's your booty mom. Hee hee."

Once of these days, Emmy, bam, right to the moon!

FIVE PRACTICAL STEPS TO A POWERFUL DAILY PRAYER LIFE

(Excerpt from book, “Returning To Holiness”, by Dr. Gregory R. Frizzell)

1. Make an absolute commitment to consistently spend significant time alone with God in uninterrupted prayer.
Give God significant time on a daily basis.
2-3 minute devotions are by no means the pattern of Jesus
You must reject the modern idea that you can develop a deep prayer life “on the run.”
30 minutes to an hour is a good suggestion for a vibrant daily prayer life
Remember, the only way we learn to pray is to “show up for practice”
If you spend significant time alone with Jesus, He will utterly change your life!
1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray without ceasing.”
Though we must be very committed to prayer, we should never approach it as a legalistic bondage

2. Approach your prayer time as a relationship with God rather than a ritual.
· True prayer is a relationship!
· It is a love relationship with YOUR GOD!
· Many are so busy serving God that we neglect time alone with Him.
· When you approach prayer as a relationship, you will also learn to hear God’s voice on a daily basis.
· True prayer begins with listening to God.
· As you learn to listen, you are then sure what you are asking is God’s will.
· Learning to hear God is the greatest secret of answered prayer! (1 John 5:14-15)

3. Make a commitment to a balanced prayer life by regularly practicing the four different types of prayer.
· A.C.T.S. (Affirmation or Praise, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication or Intercession for others)
· It is essential that our prayer life be far more than a list of “needs and wants.”
· We must experience daily cleansing or we cannot maintain the power of the Holy Spirit.
· It is impossible to regularly experience all the types of prayer in only a 2-3 minute devotion.

4. In your daily petitions, focus more on issues of personal character and holiness than on temporal needs.
· God’s great priority is to conform you to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29)
· Make the 9 fruit of the Holy Spirit your daily personal prayer petition (Galatians 5:22)
· As you daily ask God to fill you with each fruit, also ask Him to show you how you don’t reflect that characteristic.
· The beatitudes also provide excellent personal petitions (Matthew 5).
· If you claim such prayers for your own heart, God will revolutionize your life!

5. In your daily intercession, focus more on issues of evangelism and missions than on temporal concerns.
· It is tragic that so much intercession is mainly focused on health and other temporal issues.
· God’s great priorities are the evangelization of the world and sweeping revival in the church (Matthew 28:18).
· God does incredible things when we focus our intercession on lost people, missions and revival!
· You may be wondering, “How can I focus my intercession on God’s great priorities?” Listed below are 5 powerful strategies.
1. Develop a prayer list of lost people and intercede for them daily.
2. Develop a prayer list of the key leaders and ministry strategies of your church. Pray for them regularly.
3. Compile a prayer list of key spiritual and government leaders. Pray for them regularly.
4. Regularly pray for vital mission strategies of your association, state and denomination. (You can get daily or weekly updates from your state and national denomination.)
5. Daily intercede for revival and spiritual awakening in your city and nation.

*Please do not feel that a powerful prayer life is out of your reach. If you are willing, God will revolutionize your praying and thus your walk with Him.

*Don’t let anything keep you from walking in full cleansing and dynamic prayer. No matter how weak you have been, you can become a powerful, biblical intercessor. If God is for you, who can be against you? (Romans 8:31)

By Request...

Okay, so by your request, I'm post some more of our vacation pics. I have spent a good portion of this day doing nothing but reading Twilight. It's captivated me, slightly. I also spent my morning working on my Sunday School Lesson for church tomorrow. I am actually posting a portion of it in the morning. It was a really gooooood lesson. I am trying to keep to my promise to post a bible study of sorts once a week. Tomorrows is rather lengthy, but was very helpful for me.






So, without further ado......

Michael on the "Reel Bandit" with his Pipaw

Michael's first snorkeling trip to Sombrero Light

Grandma and the girl on their way to the boat dock

Emmy-Doodle

Safety First! These bathing suits work well for the girls!

Daddy and his Lala!

Stay tuned.....more to come......

Dear Mom,

***Just a little note of update. I wrote this very soon after this instance occured and I was still mad. I want you to know that I don't see this woman any different that I sometimes see myself. I ask myself the question almost daily, "What kind of mother am I?" This is not meant to be some self-righteous rant. Like I said, I may not curse directly at my children, but I have certainly muttered some colorful remarks to myself in the midst of a frustrating moment. Please read this objectively and try to understand that this is not me casting judgement, it's merely venting about a rather unpleasant experience.***

(Beginning of original post)
Not my mom. A mom. You know who you are. I'm kind of sad that the little boy who was with you has to call you mom. The way you treated him was totally out of line. I don't know that I have ever witnessed such a public display of humiliation before. How old was he? Nine. He couldn't have been more than ten. He was just asking you a question and then you open your dirty, nasty mouth and start spewing profanities at him, right in the middle of W@l-M@rt. Don't you think that was a little uncalled for? I know the look on my face probably told you that. I know we all get a little frustrated with our kids now and then. But saying, "I know what the h#ll you want, I don't need you to "f"ing tell me" is totally out of line. I'm just glad my kids weren't present, because then I may have had to butt in and open my big fat mouth and have you probably try to hurt me. I guess I should mind my own business, but you made this everyone's business with how loud you "diarrhea-ed" your yapper. I would have liked to think this was an isolated incident, but then you go and do it again. "What the "f" do you think I'm doing here? We're buying you your f#%!ing school clothes." What is it that makes you treat a child this way? Had you been drinking? Is this a normal thing? Was it expressly to embarrass and humiliate him in front of at least 5 others within earshot? His look said it all. This was normal to him. He seemed very used to hearing this. It didn't really appear to phase him externally. Internally, I'm sure you have to know, it is damaging beyond what you can possibly see. I have to then ask myself, what were you treated like as a child? Is that how someone talked to you? It's hard to be a parent. This I know full well. But I can't make excuses for you here. We all have a choice what comes out of our mouths. There are days when I absolutely, without a doubt, want to pull out all of my hair (Have you seen my hair? There's a lot of it.) and bang my head against a wall. My kids drive me nutso at least once a day. I am sometimes even tempted to swear. Sometimes, I even do, when they are not around. I have said the "sh" word in front of them, as my son likes to call it. "Sh"ut up. "OOOOhhhh, mom, you said the "sh" word!"
What is my point here? I guess it just cut me really deep when I saw this child who has no control over who his mom is, being verbally assaulted by someone who just needs to learn when to practice a little self-control. We all make mistakes. We all lose our cool. But the bad thing about words is, once they're out there you can't take them back.
"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorb the prints of it's handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair."~Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven.